I am having sleeping problems. I have three modes of sleeping: heavy, deep, sleep through loud sounds; entirely too full of nightmares; free of nightmares but restless and unpleasant.
I am currently experiencing the third state. I was flopping around in bed, messing around on the internet, but I have now moved to the couch so I can type and watch tv without bugging NB. Though, judging from the snoring I can hear coming from the other room, I didn't much disturb his sleep.
Work is very annoying right now. Basically, I was promised a promotion by my boss, and then his boss vetoed it and additionally said some not so great things about my role in the organization (as in, doesn't understand what I do or see any value in it at all), which is not great. So I went from my usual caring a lot about work to being very checked out, but I just can't do it. Because then I stay awake at night and think about work. So, I've got to find someway to balance caring enough that I am not stressed about by my atypically slack attitude toward work, but also not stressed out and devoting extra time to work because I am trying to do the most super special awesome job either. I don't really want my work to make up so much of my identity, but how do people do that when the A) spend a lot of time at work, and B) rely on work for health insurance, paycheck, etc.? On top of all that, I believe in the work of the nonprofit where I work, and I believe in the work I do to support that, so how do I maintain appropriate distance and balance? Still figuring this all out.
Tonight I am getting together with some friends for the scary story writing group I mentioned in my last post. We are supposed to have something actually written tonight. I have some starts of stories, but nothing great yet. I was into writing when I was younger (like pre-teen to early teen years), and then got really into acting, which took up most of my creative energies. I kept that up into freshman year of college, but didn't really replace it with another creative outlet when I decided that acting was no longer the thing for me. Since then (about ten years), I have done some small visual art things, but I have been much more a consumer of artistic and literary products, rather than a creator of them. So, I am glad that I joined this writing group, but holy fuck, it is hard! I am a little nervous, to be honest. Everyone else is much more experienced than I am and while I know they won't be jerks, I also don't want them to be completely and utterly bored with what I bring to the table.
I am excited that it has gotten all warm out and I am really itching to ride my bike. NB and I were supposed to go on a short ride and then to the bar after work yesterday, but we discovered that one of his tires was irreparably damaged, so we went for a walk instead. I just checked the weather and it looks great so I will ride my bike to work today. I am not very hardcore - I have major respect for people who bundle up a ride regardless of cold or rain, but that's not me, so I am excited for this good weather. I need to stretch and move my limbs. I can bike to work more quickly than I can get there via public, so perhaps today I will leave at my usual time, or maybe even a little early, and then use the extra time to go to the coffee shop and read before work. I've got a couple different books going right now. The one that is getting most of my attention is The Mind's Eye by Oliver Sacks. Last year I read The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, which is mostly about individual patients that Dr. Sacks has worked with. This book has some of that, but also deals quite a bit with the author's own loss of vision in one eye plus a lot about how eyes work and the brain works and how eyes and brain work together.
Alright, I am going to stop breaking the sleep hygiene rule of no computer use and try to get a little more rest.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Side Effects
I have been taking anti-depressants for about two years, I guess. And I like them. I don't think happiness is a great goal (fulfillment seems like a better goal, which will probably include some happiness, but happiness isn't the main pursuit). I have a part of me that is consistently sad, and has been for as long as I can remember, and I don't think that that part needs to be eradicated. I like that part of myself. However, sometimes the sadness takes over for mysterious reasons that don't have to do with real life and these nice little pills help limit unhealthy thinking and make the healthy thinking I try to adopt more real and possible.
But, sometimes I just stop taking my medicine. I don't know why. It's not a super-conscious choice, but it's not a complete accident either. Sometimes I just don't feel like I need it. But then, after a little bit, I just don't feel well and I recognize that I am having unhealthy thoughts that are not grounded in reality. And that goes on for a little bit and then I start taking my medicine again. And I get to experience the side effects once again! Like right now, which is why I am typing away on the internet at 4:30 in the morning instead of sleeping like I want to be.
Tonight I am getting together with a little group of friends. We are writing scary stories and we were supposed to share our first drafts tonight, but it looks like no one is prepared so my friend suggested we hang out and "eat candy and talk about gross/scary stuff" instead. Sounds good to me. Except maybe not candy. Eating sounds gross to me right now.
The other day I was walking down Fullerton, near DePaul, and an SUV full of college students drove by and one of them screamed at me out the window, "are you a boy or a girl?" I am kind of andro-looking from afar, especially if I am wearing a coat. So, it is not surprising to me that someone might wonder about my gender, but it is weird that they would care. Or scream it at me from their car. I wasn't offended in a "my feelings are hurt" way, but more in a, "wow, you are ignorant and trying (unsuccessfully) to be hurtful" way.
Oh man, I am lying in bed next to a sleeping NB and he just laughed in a really creepy way. He talks/makes noises in his sleep fairly regularly (earlier he was talking to me about a letter in his sleep), but that laugh was just disconcerting. I am going to go make sure he is not a demon/try to go back to sleep.
But, sometimes I just stop taking my medicine. I don't know why. It's not a super-conscious choice, but it's not a complete accident either. Sometimes I just don't feel like I need it. But then, after a little bit, I just don't feel well and I recognize that I am having unhealthy thoughts that are not grounded in reality. And that goes on for a little bit and then I start taking my medicine again. And I get to experience the side effects once again! Like right now, which is why I am typing away on the internet at 4:30 in the morning instead of sleeping like I want to be.
Tonight I am getting together with a little group of friends. We are writing scary stories and we were supposed to share our first drafts tonight, but it looks like no one is prepared so my friend suggested we hang out and "eat candy and talk about gross/scary stuff" instead. Sounds good to me. Except maybe not candy. Eating sounds gross to me right now.
The other day I was walking down Fullerton, near DePaul, and an SUV full of college students drove by and one of them screamed at me out the window, "are you a boy or a girl?" I am kind of andro-looking from afar, especially if I am wearing a coat. So, it is not surprising to me that someone might wonder about my gender, but it is weird that they would care. Or scream it at me from their car. I wasn't offended in a "my feelings are hurt" way, but more in a, "wow, you are ignorant and trying (unsuccessfully) to be hurtful" way.
Oh man, I am lying in bed next to a sleeping NB and he just laughed in a really creepy way. He talks/makes noises in his sleep fairly regularly (earlier he was talking to me about a letter in his sleep), but that laugh was just disconcerting. I am going to go make sure he is not a demon/try to go back to sleep.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Golden Nugget
My grandpa died last week. He was 94 years old. He had been married to my grandma for over 70 years. He started two small businesses and they both still exist. He loved motorcycles and fishing and golfing. He served in WWII and received a Bronze Star. He saw every continent except Antarctica. He loved polka music and doing things himself and collecting things.
The wake was last Sunday and the funeral was on Monday. With the exception of my terrible aunt who I had not seen in 15 years being there, it was really nice. My grandma did awesome. She was exhausted and sad, but not overcome. That was a big relief. The service was good. My brother and I did the eulogy together. It was really hard and I was glad we were together.
I sat with my grandma during the wake. She and my uncle made a bet over whether there'd be more people at the wake or the funeral, so she wanted me to count everyone who came in. 140 people came to the wake. It was interesting to hear the variety of things that people said. A few people said he was gone too soon. Which yeah, it sucks when a good person dies because you miss them, but too soon? He was six weeks away from his 95th birthday. That is a really long life. And he didn't feel well and was unhappy at the end. It was not too soon.
After the funeral, I got sick with a terrible stomach virus. My dad, brother, and three of my cousins also got sick. It was pretty intense. On day three I finally went to the doctor and got an anti-nausea shot (in my right butt cheek), which helped immensely.
Two days before the wake, my very dearest friend moved out of state. She herself has been going through a rough time and had been spending a lot of time with me and NB. She'd been spending the night at our apartment a lot. It's weird that she's gone.
The last two weeks have been strange. I feel weird and moody and out of control. When I laugh it is too hard and I almost start crying. I feel like I'm failing. Last night I dreamed that I went into a shop and got kicked out for laughing too hard and being hysterical. I flung myself out of the shop and stumbled across the road, unable to stop. I fell into a ditch. It was snowing. I knew I'd probably die of hypothermia, but I couldn't stop laughing and coordinate my muscles to stand.
I feel overly-tender and I'm fucking over it.
The wake was last Sunday and the funeral was on Monday. With the exception of my terrible aunt who I had not seen in 15 years being there, it was really nice. My grandma did awesome. She was exhausted and sad, but not overcome. That was a big relief. The service was good. My brother and I did the eulogy together. It was really hard and I was glad we were together.
I sat with my grandma during the wake. She and my uncle made a bet over whether there'd be more people at the wake or the funeral, so she wanted me to count everyone who came in. 140 people came to the wake. It was interesting to hear the variety of things that people said. A few people said he was gone too soon. Which yeah, it sucks when a good person dies because you miss them, but too soon? He was six weeks away from his 95th birthday. That is a really long life. And he didn't feel well and was unhappy at the end. It was not too soon.
After the funeral, I got sick with a terrible stomach virus. My dad, brother, and three of my cousins also got sick. It was pretty intense. On day three I finally went to the doctor and got an anti-nausea shot (in my right butt cheek), which helped immensely.
Two days before the wake, my very dearest friend moved out of state. She herself has been going through a rough time and had been spending a lot of time with me and NB. She'd been spending the night at our apartment a lot. It's weird that she's gone.
The last two weeks have been strange. I feel weird and moody and out of control. When I laugh it is too hard and I almost start crying. I feel like I'm failing. Last night I dreamed that I went into a shop and got kicked out for laughing too hard and being hysterical. I flung myself out of the shop and stumbled across the road, unable to stop. I fell into a ditch. It was snowing. I knew I'd probably die of hypothermia, but I couldn't stop laughing and coordinate my muscles to stand.
I feel overly-tender and I'm fucking over it.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Soft Snug Sleep
I could comment about how long it has been since I have posted, but that would probably be tiresome. I’m also fairly certain that no one reads this because it is very unimportant and infrequently updated. But, I realized it makes me feel better to write, so I am going to make it more of a habit.
I am so tired. Something about the combination of food and sleep that I am putting into my body is not working and I just want to lay my head down on my desk, even though I got a solid eight hours last night.
Perhaps it is related to my two week long crazy dream problem. Every night for the last two weeks I’ve had either flat out nightmares (murder, ghosts, hallucinations), or dreams where annoying things happen (NB hides my toothbrush, someone is mean to me at a party), or really long and complicated dreams there are not nightmarish or annoying but just really incredibly lengthy and detailed and leave me feeling tired instead of rested.
In the past, these kind of dreams have been linked to a general feeling of sadness, and this time seems to be no exception. I don’t want to go to work or class. I don’t want to volunteer or see my friends. I just want to hang out in my bed and watch movies or listen to podcasts and occasionally hang out with NB and/or the cat. On Friday night I went to sleep at 8pm, blew off class on Saturday morning and friends on Saturday night, and stayed in the same pajamas until Monday morning.
Despite this general lameness, I have managed to apply for a couple of jobs in the last two weeks. I usually like my job and I really like the people I work with. But, I have been getting pretty bored/annoyed at work lately plus I am fairly underpaid and in August my office is relocating to a neighborhood I can’t easily access as a no-car-having person.
One job that I applied for is at a place that does really good work and is only about seven blocks away from my apartment. I applied Saturday and I’m guessing they had off Monday for Presidents’ Day. Despite that, I still keep checking my email and phone for a message from them. It sounds like a pretty good gig and I’d be really excited to interview.
Since we’re talking about work, I will tell you a work story from last week. Last Thursday afternoon our CEO asked our IT Manager to fix something for her and on Friday morning he foisted it on me. It is a relatively small problem that will not come into play again for a whole month. It could have been left for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks with no ill consequences, but everyone was scrambling and insisting it be done NOW because it was for our CEO. So I figured out three possible solutions, tested all three, and provided samples of all three, so she could decide which option she prefered. This took about an hour and a half. Shortly after that I saw her in the hall. I said hello and in response she sighed heavily. That’s it, no actual words. Why, you’re quite welcome boss-lady! I was very happy to urgently do a non-urgent task that is not even my job so that you could ignore my greeting and instead sigh at me.
Oh my mouth. I am having mouth pain thanks to my decision to ingest these foods in this order: two mouth-cutting tootsie pops, homemade tomato-carrot soup, V8. Tomato-y pain all up in my tongue and the roof of my mouth.
Alright, it’s time to go home. Time to hang up the phone on my company’s website provider’s hold music (90 minutes on hold). Time to go volunteer and then go home and get into bed early. Yes, yes, yes.
I am so tired. Something about the combination of food and sleep that I am putting into my body is not working and I just want to lay my head down on my desk, even though I got a solid eight hours last night.
Perhaps it is related to my two week long crazy dream problem. Every night for the last two weeks I’ve had either flat out nightmares (murder, ghosts, hallucinations), or dreams where annoying things happen (NB hides my toothbrush, someone is mean to me at a party), or really long and complicated dreams there are not nightmarish or annoying but just really incredibly lengthy and detailed and leave me feeling tired instead of rested.
In the past, these kind of dreams have been linked to a general feeling of sadness, and this time seems to be no exception. I don’t want to go to work or class. I don’t want to volunteer or see my friends. I just want to hang out in my bed and watch movies or listen to podcasts and occasionally hang out with NB and/or the cat. On Friday night I went to sleep at 8pm, blew off class on Saturday morning and friends on Saturday night, and stayed in the same pajamas until Monday morning.
Despite this general lameness, I have managed to apply for a couple of jobs in the last two weeks. I usually like my job and I really like the people I work with. But, I have been getting pretty bored/annoyed at work lately plus I am fairly underpaid and in August my office is relocating to a neighborhood I can’t easily access as a no-car-having person.
One job that I applied for is at a place that does really good work and is only about seven blocks away from my apartment. I applied Saturday and I’m guessing they had off Monday for Presidents’ Day. Despite that, I still keep checking my email and phone for a message from them. It sounds like a pretty good gig and I’d be really excited to interview.
Since we’re talking about work, I will tell you a work story from last week. Last Thursday afternoon our CEO asked our IT Manager to fix something for her and on Friday morning he foisted it on me. It is a relatively small problem that will not come into play again for a whole month. It could have been left for a couple of days or even a couple of weeks with no ill consequences, but everyone was scrambling and insisting it be done NOW because it was for our CEO. So I figured out three possible solutions, tested all three, and provided samples of all three, so she could decide which option she prefered. This took about an hour and a half. Shortly after that I saw her in the hall. I said hello and in response she sighed heavily. That’s it, no actual words. Why, you’re quite welcome boss-lady! I was very happy to urgently do a non-urgent task that is not even my job so that you could ignore my greeting and instead sigh at me.
Oh my mouth. I am having mouth pain thanks to my decision to ingest these foods in this order: two mouth-cutting tootsie pops, homemade tomato-carrot soup, V8. Tomato-y pain all up in my tongue and the roof of my mouth.
Alright, it’s time to go home. Time to hang up the phone on my company’s website provider’s hold music (90 minutes on hold). Time to go volunteer and then go home and get into bed early. Yes, yes, yes.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Sha na na na na na
Oh hi, it would seem that I have been gone a very long time. What happens though, is that I write these words in a Google doc during my lunch break at work, intending to post them to my blog when I get home, but then when I get home the idea of continuing to sit and look at a computer sounds so dreadful, and then whatever I wrote becomes outdated and pointless to post whenever I actually get around to it.
November, December, and thus far January have been very busy, with both the good (holiday celebrations! family vacation! enjoyable work projects! karaoke!) and the bad (family illness and subsequent hospital visits/worrying/sadness, personal illness (food poisoning), work stress/boredom, financial stress) plus of course horrible things that have happened and keep happening in the world that are are mind-boggling and sadness/paralysis-inducing. My mind lately seems to vacillate between overactive thinking, thinking, thinking and sludgy, lazy oatmeal brain.
In November, the day after Thanksgiving, my grandpa fell and broke his hip. He is 94 and the doctors weren’t sure if he would make it through the necessary surgery, but he did and he is recovering in a nursing home now. Unfortunately, his recovery is not going well and we’re not sure if he’ll get well enough to come home even with a live-in nurse. I’ve gotten to visit him pretty frequently, and he gets multiple visitors everyday, which of course makes the whole thing slightly less awful, but it is hard. It is hard to see him in pain, to see him not remember his visitors (he also has dementia), to see him struggle to eat (no appetite), and to see him get frustrated at his loss of mobility. It is hard to see the affects on my grandma and my mom.
In my memory of him, my grandpa has always been an old man. He went from slow walking, to slower walking, to not walking. Also, in my earlier memories of him, when he was more vital, I was a little kid. So though he had great health for his age, he still seemed so old to me in my little-kid understanding. I am very close to him, and this change has been painful, but it has not been such a huge adjustment, as it has been for my mom. I try to imagine what it must be like. One day I will probably go through the same thing - I will probably see my parents, my partner, myself, go from our most vital, able, mentally clear and present states, to slowly but surely diminishing states of physical, and possibly mental, abilities.
On to a less serious/sad/important topic...tonight I am getting a haircut! I am dreaming of this haircut because my hair is growing down onto my neck and it is the worst. I’m sure all you short-hair-wearers know what I’m talking about. This haircut was actually scheduled for last week, but too many students called in sick after New Year’s Eve. This is my first non-great experience with the hair school, so I still fully recommend cheap haircuts at the Aveda school on Clark.
I feel like I am a fancy lady who gets beauty treatments done a lot, because in addition to tonight’s haircut, last night I got a massage. I had never had a professional massage before and for Christmas I received one of those daily deal site coupons to get a massage. It was amazing. I was touching the tops of my shoulders afterwards and I couldn’t believe there were areas that felt so soft - my shoulders usually feel like a hard, wooden mass. It was super relaxing and I was definitely in awe of the skill-level of the massage therapist. Obviously I knew that massage takes skill, but I hadn’t really considered the amount of knowledge a good therapist has until I had one rearranging my limbs and pressing on different body parts in ways that seemed to make no sense but that made me feel so good.
Great job to all skilled massage therapists. I’m sure your own bodies are sore from the nature of your work and sometimes people are mean to you and maybe sometimes you have clients with really bad body odor or something. But, you deal with it and you’re great.
November, December, and thus far January have been very busy, with both the good (holiday celebrations! family vacation! enjoyable work projects! karaoke!) and the bad (family illness and subsequent hospital visits/worrying/sadness, personal illness (food poisoning), work stress/boredom, financial stress) plus of course horrible things that have happened and keep happening in the world that are are mind-boggling and sadness/paralysis-inducing. My mind lately seems to vacillate between overactive thinking, thinking, thinking and sludgy, lazy oatmeal brain.
In November, the day after Thanksgiving, my grandpa fell and broke his hip. He is 94 and the doctors weren’t sure if he would make it through the necessary surgery, but he did and he is recovering in a nursing home now. Unfortunately, his recovery is not going well and we’re not sure if he’ll get well enough to come home even with a live-in nurse. I’ve gotten to visit him pretty frequently, and he gets multiple visitors everyday, which of course makes the whole thing slightly less awful, but it is hard. It is hard to see him in pain, to see him not remember his visitors (he also has dementia), to see him struggle to eat (no appetite), and to see him get frustrated at his loss of mobility. It is hard to see the affects on my grandma and my mom.
In my memory of him, my grandpa has always been an old man. He went from slow walking, to slower walking, to not walking. Also, in my earlier memories of him, when he was more vital, I was a little kid. So though he had great health for his age, he still seemed so old to me in my little-kid understanding. I am very close to him, and this change has been painful, but it has not been such a huge adjustment, as it has been for my mom. I try to imagine what it must be like. One day I will probably go through the same thing - I will probably see my parents, my partner, myself, go from our most vital, able, mentally clear and present states, to slowly but surely diminishing states of physical, and possibly mental, abilities.
On to a less serious/sad/important topic...tonight I am getting a haircut! I am dreaming of this haircut because my hair is growing down onto my neck and it is the worst. I’m sure all you short-hair-wearers know what I’m talking about. This haircut was actually scheduled for last week, but too many students called in sick after New Year’s Eve. This is my first non-great experience with the hair school, so I still fully recommend cheap haircuts at the Aveda school on Clark.
I feel like I am a fancy lady who gets beauty treatments done a lot, because in addition to tonight’s haircut, last night I got a massage. I had never had a professional massage before and for Christmas I received one of those daily deal site coupons to get a massage. It was amazing. I was touching the tops of my shoulders afterwards and I couldn’t believe there were areas that felt so soft - my shoulders usually feel like a hard, wooden mass. It was super relaxing and I was definitely in awe of the skill-level of the massage therapist. Obviously I knew that massage takes skill, but I hadn’t really considered the amount of knowledge a good therapist has until I had one rearranging my limbs and pressing on different body parts in ways that seemed to make no sense but that made me feel so good.
Great job to all skilled massage therapists. I’m sure your own bodies are sore from the nature of your work and sometimes people are mean to you and maybe sometimes you have clients with really bad body odor or something. But, you deal with it and you’re great.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Titles are tedious
I had a work meeting in Rogers Park this afternoon, and rather than taking public transit for 45 minutes back to my office, I'm working from a coffee shop. And by working I mean screwing around on the internet while occasionally refreshing my slow, poorly functioning web access Outlook email.
Does anyone else get bathroom anxiety at the coffee shop? I don't want to pack up all my stuff or bring my drink into the bathroom with me, but I also don't really like leaving my stuff unattended either. I would like to add remote urination to the list of super powers I hope to gain. Remote urination - the ability to make your piss go into the toilet from another room (I am thinking this is like radio waves - invisible to the eye - not like a pee water cannon that can launch my urine across the room).
Other super powers and fantastical bodily features I would like to have are flight (duh), invisibility (duh), big ass wings that I could retract to be invisible or pop out all massive (this is separate from flight - the point of these wings is to be big and scary), retractable Wolverine-type claws, prehensile tail, lion-like roar.
This chair is soft and the music is all down tempo, instrumental jazz and the sky is getting dark - I can feel myself getting all squishy and squashy and snuggly.
Tutoring session I am overhearing right now: "quotation marks aren't just for direct quotes, but can also be used to add emphasis..." Sir, no.
"Thanks" for reading my "blog"!
Does anyone else get bathroom anxiety at the coffee shop? I don't want to pack up all my stuff or bring my drink into the bathroom with me, but I also don't really like leaving my stuff unattended either. I would like to add remote urination to the list of super powers I hope to gain. Remote urination - the ability to make your piss go into the toilet from another room (I am thinking this is like radio waves - invisible to the eye - not like a pee water cannon that can launch my urine across the room).
Other super powers and fantastical bodily features I would like to have are flight (duh), invisibility (duh), big ass wings that I could retract to be invisible or pop out all massive (this is separate from flight - the point of these wings is to be big and scary), retractable Wolverine-type claws, prehensile tail, lion-like roar.
This chair is soft and the music is all down tempo, instrumental jazz and the sky is getting dark - I can feel myself getting all squishy and squashy and snuggly.
Tutoring session I am overhearing right now: "quotation marks aren't just for direct quotes, but can also be used to add emphasis..." Sir, no.
"Thanks" for reading my "blog"!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
November was
November was my big month for working lots and lots, but it is all over now and I have the day off today because I worked on Sunday! Ack, if my memory is right I have not gone out with friends since November 2. Unacceptable! Luckily my parents did come visit last Saturday and took me and NB barhopping for about six hours. I tried this beer for the first time and it was a delight.
The other night I was on my way home from work, waiting for the bus at Lawrence and Broadway. There is a nook in the wall there, inside of which is a back door to a restaurant. Suddenly an old man came out of the door, kicking a styrofoam cup into the gutter. I felt immediately annoyed because littering is not cool and also I am 99% sure that guys owns the restaurant, so take some fucking care of your neighborhood/corner of the street. So I told the guy that I couldn't believe he would just throw trash on the ground and the conversation ended with him saying, "why don't you shut your mouth, you stupid bitch?" I felt sort of bad for hassling an old man, plus there was already trash in the gutter and who hasn't felt like "what difference does one more piece of trash make?" Also, I knew that I only said something because I was tired and cranky. But also, he called me a stupid bitch because I told him not to throw trash on the ground, so fuck him. Plus it was funny.
When you were taught to type, were you taught that one or two spaces should follow sentences? I was taught two spaces, but I think that is more old-fashioned perhaps, and now one space is more commonly used? It seems like most things I've used can adjust to either one or two spaces following a sentence, but Blogger does not seem to do that, so when the line break comes at the end of a sentence, the next sentence has a tiny indent. Oh well.
Well this entry is pretty lame, but I am tired and want to go cook and clean and be all domestic, so I'm going to go. Happy Thanksgiving - I hope you get to eat loads of delicious foods and have some good things to be thankful for. I'm thankful for ending sentences with prepositions.
The other night I was on my way home from work, waiting for the bus at Lawrence and Broadway. There is a nook in the wall there, inside of which is a back door to a restaurant. Suddenly an old man came out of the door, kicking a styrofoam cup into the gutter. I felt immediately annoyed because littering is not cool and also I am 99% sure that guys owns the restaurant, so take some fucking care of your neighborhood/corner of the street. So I told the guy that I couldn't believe he would just throw trash on the ground and the conversation ended with him saying, "why don't you shut your mouth, you stupid bitch?" I felt sort of bad for hassling an old man, plus there was already trash in the gutter and who hasn't felt like "what difference does one more piece of trash make?" Also, I knew that I only said something because I was tired and cranky. But also, he called me a stupid bitch because I told him not to throw trash on the ground, so fuck him. Plus it was funny.
When you were taught to type, were you taught that one or two spaces should follow sentences? I was taught two spaces, but I think that is more old-fashioned perhaps, and now one space is more commonly used? It seems like most things I've used can adjust to either one or two spaces following a sentence, but Blogger does not seem to do that, so when the line break comes at the end of a sentence, the next sentence has a tiny indent. Oh well.
Well this entry is pretty lame, but I am tired and want to go cook and clean and be all domestic, so I'm going to go. Happy Thanksgiving - I hope you get to eat loads of delicious foods and have some good things to be thankful for. I'm thankful for ending sentences with prepositions.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Hi everyone
Hi everyone, Happy Halloween! Are you celebrating or are you recovering from the damage of a super-storm? All my New York and New Jersey friends whom I’ve been able to contact seem to be doing alright. If you are from a heavily affected area and you are reading this, hopefully that means you have power! I hope you are doing well and have food and a way to get to work or wherever you need to go. The size and reach of Sandy has blown my mind. Even out here in Chicago the beaches and lakeshore paths are shut down because the wind is making Lake Michigan go crazy. Having lived in the Midwest all but six months of my life, I have dealt with tornadoes and snowstorms, but have never been anywhere near a hurricane. The prospect of it is completely terrifying to me.
I was pretty excited to dress up for Halloween this year - normally it’s a favorite holiday, but the last two years sad things have been happening on/around Halloween. I did not end up dressing as Picasso’s Blue Period or a Zombie Vulva. I went to a party on Saturday dressed as Zombie Abraham Lincoln, which meant lots of fake blood and a tall hat. Before the party I was walking to the liquor store in the dark and a lady jumped and said “aye, Dios!” when she saw me, so that was pretty great. Today I am just wearing my normal all-black getup, but with the addition of my “witch’s shawl” and black and white striped tights instead of black leggings.
At work we found a gift certificate to a salon that didn’t get purchased at our fundraising event last year, and I ended up getting it. For over three years all my haircuts had been at hair schools and I had always colored my hair myself, so I was pretty stoked to get a certificate to a fancy-pants Lincoln Park salon. I went and got my hair done last night and it was so nice - super-massagey shampoo session and cool asymmetrical cut.
While I was at the salon I leafed through Marie Claire and while I was certainly expecting it to be all fluffy-puffy fashion, body image blah-di-blah I was still surprised and dismayed by some things. For one, there was a large piece about getting ahead at work. It was eight page longs, with two of the pages completely devoted to how women should look at work, and large sections of the same on the other six pages. The piece also included brief snippets of interviews with powerful women and a section about race and ethnicity in the workplace. Because female leaders, workplace discrimination, and fancy high heels are all worthy (and should be worthy) of the same amount of attention when trying to establish a successful career. Right.
The other awful thing was a first-person article about how wearing towering high heels is what Grown Up Women do and even though these shoes are painful you will look terribly frumpy and un-adult if you don’t wear them. The solution: every nine months get incredibly painful (by the author’s description) foot injections that leave you hobbled for a week; your stilettos will still be uncomfortable, but you’ll at least be able to stand them for longer periods of time. And that is worth the cost, time off of work, and pain from the injections (plus the completely unmentioned harm caused to the rest of the body by wearing tall heels everyday). I’m six feet tall and I like to rock a heel from time-to-time when I’m feeling fancy or outrageous, but to state that the only appropriate adult woman footwear is something that causes one to adopt an unnatural and unhealthy posture is just rage-inducing.
Today is the third year anniversary of when NB and I got drunk and made out for the first time. And even though (because?) I was covered in fake blood, it was still great. By this time next year, we’ll be married. I don’t generally think that things are “meant to be” but this definitely feels that way.
I was pretty excited to dress up for Halloween this year - normally it’s a favorite holiday, but the last two years sad things have been happening on/around Halloween. I did not end up dressing as Picasso’s Blue Period or a Zombie Vulva. I went to a party on Saturday dressed as Zombie Abraham Lincoln, which meant lots of fake blood and a tall hat. Before the party I was walking to the liquor store in the dark and a lady jumped and said “aye, Dios!” when she saw me, so that was pretty great. Today I am just wearing my normal all-black getup, but with the addition of my “witch’s shawl” and black and white striped tights instead of black leggings.
At work we found a gift certificate to a salon that didn’t get purchased at our fundraising event last year, and I ended up getting it. For over three years all my haircuts had been at hair schools and I had always colored my hair myself, so I was pretty stoked to get a certificate to a fancy-pants Lincoln Park salon. I went and got my hair done last night and it was so nice - super-massagey shampoo session and cool asymmetrical cut.
While I was at the salon I leafed through Marie Claire and while I was certainly expecting it to be all fluffy-puffy fashion, body image blah-di-blah I was still surprised and dismayed by some things. For one, there was a large piece about getting ahead at work. It was eight page longs, with two of the pages completely devoted to how women should look at work, and large sections of the same on the other six pages. The piece also included brief snippets of interviews with powerful women and a section about race and ethnicity in the workplace. Because female leaders, workplace discrimination, and fancy high heels are all worthy (and should be worthy) of the same amount of attention when trying to establish a successful career. Right.
The other awful thing was a first-person article about how wearing towering high heels is what Grown Up Women do and even though these shoes are painful you will look terribly frumpy and un-adult if you don’t wear them. The solution: every nine months get incredibly painful (by the author’s description) foot injections that leave you hobbled for a week; your stilettos will still be uncomfortable, but you’ll at least be able to stand them for longer periods of time. And that is worth the cost, time off of work, and pain from the injections (plus the completely unmentioned harm caused to the rest of the body by wearing tall heels everyday). I’m six feet tall and I like to rock a heel from time-to-time when I’m feeling fancy or outrageous, but to state that the only appropriate adult woman footwear is something that causes one to adopt an unnatural and unhealthy posture is just rage-inducing.
Today is the third year anniversary of when NB and I got drunk and made out for the first time. And even though (because?) I was covered in fake blood, it was still great. By this time next year, we’ll be married. I don’t generally think that things are “meant to be” but this definitely feels that way.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Who wants to
Who
wants to come give me a massage? I will take it! As long as you are
non-creepy and know what you’re doing and won’t charge me. Doesn’t that
sound like a good deal for you? I need a free massage because I hurt
my back doing my super-mini morning workout, which is only light
calisthenics and a lot of stretching and doesn’t seem very dangerous or
likely to cause strain, but somehow it did.
Today I am all about health. I ate a pretty healthy breakfast and lunch, got a flu shot and TDaP vaccine, and made an appointment to go to the doctor for the all-over mystery pain that I’ve had for several years (until recently I thought everyone felt like this but just didn’t complain about it because it’s just a part of life, but I’m finding out that is actually not the case).
Tonight I was going to be all about debauchery - my dear friend, DZ, and I had planned a vodka infusion night, but she has bronchitis, which is such a big bummer, especially because she is uninsured. I know there are lots of opinions and findings and arguments about how we should get everyone insured. I am not going to go into that here because this isn't that kind of blog, but damn, can we just make this happen?
I am still reading Bonk and yesterday I read a section talking about the cremaster muscle, which is a word I knew at one point, but had completely forgotten. All day yesterday I kept saying cremaster in my mind. And then I watched one of those forensics shows last night and the murderer’s last name rhymed with cremaster. Coincidence? I think not.
Today I am all about health. I ate a pretty healthy breakfast and lunch, got a flu shot and TDaP vaccine, and made an appointment to go to the doctor for the all-over mystery pain that I’ve had for several years (until recently I thought everyone felt like this but just didn’t complain about it because it’s just a part of life, but I’m finding out that is actually not the case).
Tonight I was going to be all about debauchery - my dear friend, DZ, and I had planned a vodka infusion night, but she has bronchitis, which is such a big bummer, especially because she is uninsured. I know there are lots of opinions and findings and arguments about how we should get everyone insured. I am not going to go into that here because this isn't that kind of blog, but damn, can we just make this happen?
I am still reading Bonk and yesterday I read a section talking about the cremaster muscle, which is a word I knew at one point, but had completely forgotten. All day yesterday I kept saying cremaster in my mind. And then I watched one of those forensics shows last night and the murderer’s last name rhymed with cremaster. Coincidence? I think not.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Today I possibly
Today I possibly woke up and became very upset over some nonsense I don't care to discuss here and called in sick to work. I may have then asked NB to fetch me a beer before he left for work, and as he brought me my 9am beer, simultaneously thought, "wow, what a non-judgmental sweetie," and, "wow, what an enabler".
Since I am not working today, I am of course using my time wisely and reading up on Halloween costume ideas. I read an idea for Picasso's Blue Period which involves tampons dipped in blue food coloring. I love this idea so much, but past experience indicates my comfort level with discussing menstruation is a lot greater than many other people, so maybe the tampons would gross some people out? Or not, and I don't care too much.
Speaking of Halloween and menstruation, Zombie Vulva would also be a great Halloween costume. Here's a video for a DIY vulva costume. (Fun Fact: Debby Herbenick was one of my professors in college.) Maybe use green and grey pantyhose/blankets to make it look zombified. Add zombie makeup and buckets of fake blood. Make tons of hilarious jokes about bleeding for five days straight and still coming back to life. If you like penis, change the "braaains" zombie groan to "glaaaaans, glaaaaaaaaaaans".
You can also get zombie vulva jewelry.
Since I am not working today, I am of course using my time wisely and reading up on Halloween costume ideas. I read an idea for Picasso's Blue Period which involves tampons dipped in blue food coloring. I love this idea so much, but past experience indicates my comfort level with discussing menstruation is a lot greater than many other people, so maybe the tampons would gross some people out? Or not, and I don't care too much.
Speaking of Halloween and menstruation, Zombie Vulva would also be a great Halloween costume. Here's a video for a DIY vulva costume. (Fun Fact: Debby Herbenick was one of my professors in college.) Maybe use green and grey pantyhose/blankets to make it look zombified. Add zombie makeup and buckets of fake blood. Make tons of hilarious jokes about bleeding for five days straight and still coming back to life. If you like penis, change the "braaains" zombie groan to "glaaaaans, glaaaaaaaaaaans".
You can also get zombie vulva jewelry.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Today I went to
Today I went to a Work Event, which is almost a guarantee that I will drink too much coffee. Now I am mentally tired from talking to people all day but physically awake from the caffeine. NB is not home to listen to my sleepy, caffeine-fueled jabbering so instead I turn to you, Internet.
Over the weekend we carved pumpkins. Our pumpkin looks disgusting. We got one of the lumpy ones and carved it to look like a zombie. I put red and green food coloring in some of the pumpkin guts and put them trailing out of the mouth. Now the guts are kind of dry and crusted on, and I have to say, it looks even better.
How about some reviews of books I've read recently?
Epidemic! The World of Infectious Disease, edited by Rob DeSalle, published in conjunction with The American Museum of Natural History. Pluses: really easy to understand; published in 1999, so kind of interesting to note the absence of SARS, West Nile virus, swine flu, avian flu, and HPV and to think about how many diseases have emerged and/or become familiar to the public in a relatively short period of time. Minuses: pretty simplistic and some parts are obviously aimed at kids; doesn't include many descriptions of diseases, which is why I checked it out in the first place.
Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules, edited by David Sedaris. This is a short story collection. I didn't love every single story, but really enjoyed most of them. The stories don't share a common theme, other than being short stories that David Sedaris likes, so you get a really wide variety. I did find a couple of stories difficult to read (especially "The Girl with the Blackened Eye"), so be forewarned if you decide to check it out.
Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach. I'm in the middle of this book and so far I'm really enjoying it. It contains some really great sentences, such as, "Albert R. Shadle was the foremost expert on the sexuality of small woodland creatures."
How about a story?
In 2008 I was temping as a receptionist and really hated my job. One day at work, in an attempt to cheer myself up, I decided to go to David Sedaris's website. It was perfect timing, because he was just about to come do a reading at a bookstore near my apartment. I bought a copy of When You Are Engulfed in Flames, his newest book at the time, and went to the reading. Afterward, I lined up in the book-signing line. I was so completely starstruck when I finally got up to him that I just stared like a freak until he told me to hand him the book so he could sign it. Then he asked me how I straightened my hair and drew a picture of Abraham Lincoln's head on the title page of the book.
How about two truths and a lie?
One time I got stuck on a rollercoaster.
One time I threw up in the air sickness bag on an airplane.
One time I found a mouse inside one of my snowboots.
Is anyone reading this? If so, try to guess the lie. Or just say hi, if you want.
Over the weekend we carved pumpkins. Our pumpkin looks disgusting. We got one of the lumpy ones and carved it to look like a zombie. I put red and green food coloring in some of the pumpkin guts and put them trailing out of the mouth. Now the guts are kind of dry and crusted on, and I have to say, it looks even better.
How about some reviews of books I've read recently?
Epidemic! The World of Infectious Disease, edited by Rob DeSalle, published in conjunction with The American Museum of Natural History. Pluses: really easy to understand; published in 1999, so kind of interesting to note the absence of SARS, West Nile virus, swine flu, avian flu, and HPV and to think about how many diseases have emerged and/or become familiar to the public in a relatively short period of time. Minuses: pretty simplistic and some parts are obviously aimed at kids; doesn't include many descriptions of diseases, which is why I checked it out in the first place.
Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules, edited by David Sedaris. This is a short story collection. I didn't love every single story, but really enjoyed most of them. The stories don't share a common theme, other than being short stories that David Sedaris likes, so you get a really wide variety. I did find a couple of stories difficult to read (especially "The Girl with the Blackened Eye"), so be forewarned if you decide to check it out.
Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach. I'm in the middle of this book and so far I'm really enjoying it. It contains some really great sentences, such as, "Albert R. Shadle was the foremost expert on the sexuality of small woodland creatures."
How about a story?
In 2008 I was temping as a receptionist and really hated my job. One day at work, in an attempt to cheer myself up, I decided to go to David Sedaris's website. It was perfect timing, because he was just about to come do a reading at a bookstore near my apartment. I bought a copy of When You Are Engulfed in Flames, his newest book at the time, and went to the reading. Afterward, I lined up in the book-signing line. I was so completely starstruck when I finally got up to him that I just stared like a freak until he told me to hand him the book so he could sign it. Then he asked me how I straightened my hair and drew a picture of Abraham Lincoln's head on the title page of the book.
How about two truths and a lie?
One time I got stuck on a rollercoaster.
One time I threw up in the air sickness bag on an airplane.
One time I found a mouse inside one of my snowboots.
Is anyone reading this? If so, try to guess the lie. Or just say hi, if you want.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
I feel like so many
I feel like so many of the things I want to write about are negative. This makes me worry somewhat that I am overly negative in my communication, but at the same time, I think that is a natural tendency for a lot of people. And, things have been getting me down lately, not to mention that the world is just so full of shitty things. So please allow me a moment to just say that work is stressing me out, I feel like I might be getting sick, I’m always tired, my apartment is currently in crazy disarray, my to-do list is too long, the world is generally sad, and I long to curl in a ball and speak to no one for a long time. Or better yet, have access to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber from Dragon Ball Z (I have some knowledge of this show after living with several people who watched it), so I could rest and then at least get my personal life in order.
Of course these problems pale in comparison to how monumentally awful life is for so many people and the systemic problems that exist in so many areas and at least my life isn’t regularly under threat and I have access to food and education and clean water and I have fairly reliable social support when things go awry. These thoughts are meant to put my own problems in perspective, and sometimes they do, but when I am already teetering on the edge of a bad place, they can make me feel so heartbroken about the world and unsatisfied with my efforts to fix problems. Or sometimes I just feel guilty for thinking at least I don’t live in an oppressive, theocratic society or a country where lack of clean drinking water is an ongoing problem - at least I don't have to face serious problems that many, many people live with on a regular basis. What a privileged, bitch-face, white, first world-guilt stereotype. And the fact that I have the time and ability to type all this out further speaks to how I should just SHUT MY MOUTH.
I’m going to stop before I chase my tail further around into a crazy spiral of guilt, truisms, and not one original thought or statement regarding privilege and society and the whole blah-de-blah.
On the positive side of things, I love people in the world and I am loved back. I live with a very nice man and our personalities click in so many important ways. I live with a very nice cat who has a round face and likes to cuddle just the right amount. I have access to library books and black leggings and scarves and beer and public transit and lots of other life-enhancing things.
Well, who wants to end a blog post like that? No one. So here’s a link to some Babysitter’s Club fanfic, discovered via the often enjoyable thehairpin.com.
Of course these problems pale in comparison to how monumentally awful life is for so many people and the systemic problems that exist in so many areas and at least my life isn’t regularly under threat and I have access to food and education and clean water and I have fairly reliable social support when things go awry. These thoughts are meant to put my own problems in perspective, and sometimes they do, but when I am already teetering on the edge of a bad place, they can make me feel so heartbroken about the world and unsatisfied with my efforts to fix problems. Or sometimes I just feel guilty for thinking at least I don’t live in an oppressive, theocratic society or a country where lack of clean drinking water is an ongoing problem - at least I don't have to face serious problems that many, many people live with on a regular basis. What a privileged, bitch-face, white, first world-guilt stereotype. And the fact that I have the time and ability to type all this out further speaks to how I should just SHUT MY MOUTH.
I’m going to stop before I chase my tail further around into a crazy spiral of guilt, truisms, and not one original thought or statement regarding privilege and society and the whole blah-de-blah.
On the positive side of things, I love people in the world and I am loved back. I live with a very nice man and our personalities click in so many important ways. I live with a very nice cat who has a round face and likes to cuddle just the right amount. I have access to library books and black leggings and scarves and beer and public transit and lots of other life-enhancing things.
Well, who wants to end a blog post like that? No one. So here’s a link to some Babysitter’s Club fanfic, discovered via the often enjoyable thehairpin.com.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Last Friday
Last Friday, NB (my fiance), a few friends, and I all participated in the wedding of two very good friends. It was a great time, made NB and I super-psyched for our own wedding, and made me feel incredibly close to my friends. I went through a several year period where I held almost all people at arms length, and reflecting on this weekend I realized that this is the greatest number of people I’ve allowed to get close to me in the past 10 years. Navigating social relationships is not always the most natural thing for me, so that was kind of a cool realization.
The weekend was also kind of exhausting and involved a lot of driving and staying out late and sleeping on couches. I am still feeling it today and it is combining with stuff going on at work and perhaps some wonky brain chemistry to give me The Sads. The plan for tonight involves lots of cuddle time with NB and the cat, plus pasta with goat cheese, broccoli, and fake chicken. It really cannot come soon enough.
Who’s excited that it’s October? NB and I started our annual scary movie kick a couple of weeks ago, but it will shift into high gear now. A couple of years ago, NB and I watched a few too many seriously scary movies and both became convinced that our apartment was haunted. Believing your apartment is haunted by possibly unfriendly spirits is unpleasant. The cognitive dissonance of being afraid of your haunted apartment while at the same time not really believing in ghosts is even more unpleasant. So now our rule is to watch the occasional legit super scary movie, some corny B movies, and mostly movies that are scary but not utterly terrifying.
After writing that last paragraph, I realized that in the last few weeks I’ve watched several scary movies, my TV viewing has consisted mostly of shows about female killers and old episodes of The Walking Dead, I’m reading a book about epidemics, and on Sunday I started making a horror-themed mixtape. I guess I’m in the mood for the macabre.
The weekend was also kind of exhausting and involved a lot of driving and staying out late and sleeping on couches. I am still feeling it today and it is combining with stuff going on at work and perhaps some wonky brain chemistry to give me The Sads. The plan for tonight involves lots of cuddle time with NB and the cat, plus pasta with goat cheese, broccoli, and fake chicken. It really cannot come soon enough.
Who’s excited that it’s October? NB and I started our annual scary movie kick a couple of weeks ago, but it will shift into high gear now. A couple of years ago, NB and I watched a few too many seriously scary movies and both became convinced that our apartment was haunted. Believing your apartment is haunted by possibly unfriendly spirits is unpleasant. The cognitive dissonance of being afraid of your haunted apartment while at the same time not really believing in ghosts is even more unpleasant. So now our rule is to watch the occasional legit super scary movie, some corny B movies, and mostly movies that are scary but not utterly terrifying.
After writing that last paragraph, I realized that in the last few weeks I’ve watched several scary movies, my TV viewing has consisted mostly of shows about female killers and old episodes of The Walking Dead, I’m reading a book about epidemics, and on Sunday I started making a horror-themed mixtape. I guess I’m in the mood for the macabre.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I somehow turned off
I somehow turned off commenting ability and in my quick glancing around at the blogger settings, I don't see where I did that. I'm sure it is fairly obvious, but I am just exhausted right now. Sorry legions of followers I have picked up in the past two days - you'll have to wait to make your comments.
My partner and I (have not yet selected a pseudonym for him and my decision-making ability is currently impaired) are both participating in our friends' wedding in another state on Friday, with rehearsal on Thursday afternoon. This week has thus far consisted of back-to-back 11 hour work days and running errands. We're leaving after work today and I'm not really relishing the thought of driving into the wee hours of the morning, but I know the ceremony and reception are going to be a great celebration of our friends.
I watched part of this Nova episode while eating dinner on Monday and it seems to have caused my dreams to ramp into overdrive. About 10 years ago I started having really frequent nightmares. They are a lot better today, but for about six years they were occurring almost every night. Around this same time, I started becoming a lot more likely to talk in my sleep, sometimes with my eyes open. Once I was taking a nap with a boyfriend, after which we stayed in bed and started talking and eventually got into a full-on fight. I have zero memory of this, but apparently I was insisting that all of the batteries in the world would go dead on the same day (what?) and was getting so mad that the boyfriend was disagreeing with me. It actually got to the point of hysterical crying before the boyfriend realized I was still sleeping and forced me to sit up. I woke up as soon as I sat up, and was so confused. Awaking in the middle of a panic attack while crying, with someone looking at you like you are crazy, is not the best way to come out of a nap.
Well, we've reached the end of this entry and I just want you all to know that I'm currently wearing a Snuggie. Be jealous.
My partner and I (have not yet selected a pseudonym for him and my decision-making ability is currently impaired) are both participating in our friends' wedding in another state on Friday, with rehearsal on Thursday afternoon. This week has thus far consisted of back-to-back 11 hour work days and running errands. We're leaving after work today and I'm not really relishing the thought of driving into the wee hours of the morning, but I know the ceremony and reception are going to be a great celebration of our friends.
I watched part of this Nova episode while eating dinner on Monday and it seems to have caused my dreams to ramp into overdrive. About 10 years ago I started having really frequent nightmares. They are a lot better today, but for about six years they were occurring almost every night. Around this same time, I started becoming a lot more likely to talk in my sleep, sometimes with my eyes open. Once I was taking a nap with a boyfriend, after which we stayed in bed and started talking and eventually got into a full-on fight. I have zero memory of this, but apparently I was insisting that all of the batteries in the world would go dead on the same day (what?) and was getting so mad that the boyfriend was disagreeing with me. It actually got to the point of hysterical crying before the boyfriend realized I was still sleeping and forced me to sit up. I woke up as soon as I sat up, and was so confused. Awaking in the middle of a panic attack while crying, with someone looking at you like you are crazy, is not the best way to come out of a nap.
Well, we've reached the end of this entry and I just want you all to know that I'm currently wearing a Snuggie. Be jealous.
Monday, September 24, 2012
There is a cycle
There is a cycle that I frequently go through at work. In the first part of the cycle, I work much longer than required, coming in early and/or leaving late every day, working through lunch, whipping determinedly through my to-do list, over-scheduling my work days. This all begins with great energy and determination, peaks in a high of feeling extremely capable, and then ends with me grimly plowing through the rest of my to-do list. Then comes phase two, where I briefly feel so sick of work and I do a lot of procrastinating. Obviously a more balanced approach would be preferable, but since the career I hope to attain in the relatively near future is much more task-based, requiring one to arrive and leave at a certain time, and since I am more often in the working hard rather than in the slacking phase, I’m not too worried about it.
Anyway, right now I’m in the sleepy, slacker phase of the cycle. I’ve been thinking about creating a blog for awhile, so I figured there could be no better time than during this period of work procrastination.
When I was younger I was really into reading any youth/young adult spooky ghost or alien-themed books. There was one book that is very faint in my memory, but one part that I can remember is that a boy was aboard an alien ship (abducted?) and while he was asleep they fixed his eyes so he didn’t need glasses and somehow treated all his muscles so his whole body felt perfectly aligned and refreshed. I don’t know if this just made a big impression on my young mind or what, but 18 years later I still think about this frequently. I feel an urge for someone to take out my teeth and rub my gums. To take apart my skin, muscle, and bones, and massage each of them separately. I know in reality this would result in extreme pain and then death, but I can’t help thinking that if some benevolent, super-intelligent aliens could do this without harming me (while at the same time using some sort of telepathy that makes me feel totally assured and relaxed), it would be so great.
Feels like I should wrap this post up somehow, but I’ve got nothing.
Anyway, right now I’m in the sleepy, slacker phase of the cycle. I’ve been thinking about creating a blog for awhile, so I figured there could be no better time than during this period of work procrastination.
When I was younger I was really into reading any youth/young adult spooky ghost or alien-themed books. There was one book that is very faint in my memory, but one part that I can remember is that a boy was aboard an alien ship (abducted?) and while he was asleep they fixed his eyes so he didn’t need glasses and somehow treated all his muscles so his whole body felt perfectly aligned and refreshed. I don’t know if this just made a big impression on my young mind or what, but 18 years later I still think about this frequently. I feel an urge for someone to take out my teeth and rub my gums. To take apart my skin, muscle, and bones, and massage each of them separately. I know in reality this would result in extreme pain and then death, but I can’t help thinking that if some benevolent, super-intelligent aliens could do this without harming me (while at the same time using some sort of telepathy that makes me feel totally assured and relaxed), it would be so great.
Feels like I should wrap this post up somehow, but I’ve got nothing.
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